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August 15th, 2016

  I had to drive down to work today because we were having a peer exchange that I was taking part in.  I was actually stressed out and woke up about 1:30 in the morning and couldn't go back to sleep.  I ended up mislaying my wallet and searching for it caused me to leave for work late and I ended up arriving a half hour later than planned.  That had no effect on the peer exchange but caused me to have to stay later at the end of the day and I ran into traffic on the way home.  Ending up in slowdowns gave my brain time to think and I realized that I was dreading coming home.  That I was dreading the trip with my mother tomorrow and I started to feel like I was drowning again.  I wanted to sooooooo badly to swing by the liquor store and pick up a bottle.

I know that alcohol only exacerbates the depression but getting mind-numbingly drunk also numbs the morass of negative thoughts and feelings....or at least that's the way it feels when those first couple of drinks start singing along in my blood.

But I've promised to seek professional help and I know that staying off the alcohol is going to be a key component to any success that I might have with licking this problem.  So I drove straight home, did not pass go, did not collect $100...OR....a bottle of gin!!!  I've made it 8 entire days and I don't want to have to reset this baby again: