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August 20th, 2016

First step of the real journey...

Okay...so after the meltdown a couple of weeks ago....I shared the full extent of what prompted the meltdown and that I wasn't really feeling any lifting of the dark mood or feelings. They kept on my about getting professional help and eventually, I promised that I would. In the meantime...

With everything going on with Mom, I've not had the opportunity to establish myself with a general practitioner, and I ran out of my blood pressure meds about a month ago. About the time of the meltdown, along with the fact that I actually quit drinking (1week, 5days, 15hours ago WHOO-HOO!!), I started having headaches, dizzy spells, and bouts of vertigo...which are the symptoms that presented back in the early 1990's when I first developed high blood pressure. I couldn't get a refill on my meds because my prescription had expired and so I planned on going to Urgent Care today so that I could get back on my BP meds. And so I promised my friends that I would also ask for psychological help while I was there...

Interesting visit to Urgent Care this morning...

I was actually very lucky, I ended up seeing a doctor who is undergoing therapy herself so she was sympathetic to my situation. During our discussion, I had an emotional breakdown - including ugly, snotty, gross-sobbing - which was actually a good thing. It meant that I couldn't/wasn't bullshitting my way through the visit with how well I was coping. Long story short, the Doc didn't feel that I was in eminent danger of hurting myself, but if I were to continue the way I was going, it wouldn't be long before I became a danger to myself. She also didn't feel that I needed full-on psycho-therapy and recommended several good counselors in the area. She DID think that I needed something for the depression and dark feelings so I came out with a prescription for anti-depressants that we'll monitor going forward.

Though I know that I still have a lot of work ahead of me, right this moment I feel as though a weight has been lifted off my chest. It could be the BP meds going to work, LOL, or it could be because it was good to tell a completely neutral and disinterested party the truth, and have them tell me that they didn't think I was insane or that I should "just get a grip!"